End of My Norwegian Life

I know, it is quite late to write a post like that right now, but I did not finish my blog of my exchange year in Norway and that truth makes me feel uncomfortable. In addition, makes me feel like I disappointed the people I left in Norway with the half of my heart.

So here I am, writing my blog. In Turkey. I am at somewhere that I am supposed to call “home”, but I am not so sure where my home is. But this feeling is something that I am going to talk about later.

First of all, I have spent my last 2 weeks in Norway by saying goodbye to people I love. There were so many goodbye parties and meetings in a row. I also got a lot of gift, which is gonna remind me Norway all the time.

I had spent the most special moments of my exchange year&my life, both with my family and friends. I have understood that how lucky I am, and how much we loved eachother. Most of my last days passed by having farwells and crying.

I had to leave my home on 23rd June to have AFS End of the Year camp with the exchange students of Region 2. My last night and day at home were pretty weird. At the last night, we looked at all the pictures that we have taken since I came Norway, from the beginning to the end. It was weird to see how fast the time went out and how many memories we had. “Tida flyr!” It was difficult to hold my tears in my eyes, but I made it and the night did not end up with crying. The morning of 23rd was the worst. I swear, it was the worst day ever. EVER. I woke up early and tried to empty my old room. I was not even done with my luggage, and there was just a couple of hours left in Nötteröy. I even sent another box full of clothes to Turkey, just 45 min before I left the house!

Then, my family drove me to the trainstation. I was going to take the train at 15.59 to Holmestrand, where we were going to have our last camp with AFS Norway. Here comes the hardest part. I hugged the family members one by one. Aaaand started to cry. There are some moments which it is so hard to talk and you feel like something is stucked in your throat and you feel the pain in your heart and your eyes burn because of the tears… My last moment at the Tönsberg trainstation was like that. It was SO hard to say goodbye to my mamma, pappa and brothers. I can not even explain how much I miss them.

Something happened and I found myself at the train with Katie, both of us were crying. I hated every single thing on that 20-minute train journey to Holmestrand. I knew that it was not the last time that I used the train in Norway but I hated the feeling that I won’t be able to do that traintrip again for a long long time. I knew that I am going to see my family again but I hated that I do not know when I am going to see them again. I knew that Norway will always be in my heart but I hated that it is going to be so far away from me.

Later, we got Holmestrand. We met the others and some new AFS volunteers. I wasn’t even excited for the camp. It was supposed to be the hardest and worst camp ever. Why did everything have to be so hard at the end?

I must say that the camp was pretty nice. It was not the best but the volunteers have done everything to make us cheer and feel a little bit better. Also, it was cool to be all together again, the region 2 squad. Even though it was the last time that we reunioned.

We all had the same feelings; excitement, fear, sadness and happiness. We have always been feeling the same way during the whole year and we always helped each other.

I must accept that it is always fun to be with exchange students, especially when we all are close friends. So I had great time at the camp. Even the weather was not so good, we tried to enjoy every second of it. There were classical AFS activities and games along with lots of snacks. We had a plenty of free time and I have no idea about how many flags that I have signed on.

We woke up at 7 o’clock the next morning, on 24^th June. And it was the last time that we could sleep because we were going to meet ALL THE OTHER AFSERS at the airport. It didn’t matter what time we had flight, we had to spend all the day at the airport waiting for the others’ flights and saying good bye to everyone one by one. So, we left the house that we have been staying at 1 in the morning on 25^th June. We got the airport at 3 in the morning, we saw all the other people who have lived in northern, southern, western and mid-Norway. I have never seen many of them since the first camp in Oslo on 14-16 August 2015! Almost 1 year later, we could be all together. It was crazy, more than a hundred students and more than 200 suitbags filled the airport! Everyone was laughing, hugging each other, having reunions and so on! It was one of the best moments of my whole year. We first said goodbye to Italy and Mexico, at 4 and 5 in the morning. It was so hard. I had so many friends who come from different countries. But the groups were not going back to their home countries at the same time, so that means there were so many farewells with 30 min-1 hour breaks between each. Luckily, Turkish gang had their flight at 11.15 in the morning and did not have to wait at the airport all day long (We have waited 6 hours though). Around 9 a.m, the AFS volunteers said that we, the Turks should get all our stuff and start to say goodbye to our friends. We were all upset. I woke up some friends who was sleeping on the airport ground. Everyone should have said goodbye to me! Some of our really close friends came to the gates with us. Some did not. I have never really talked to some of the exchange students, and there were some that I have been keeping the contact during the year but we were not able to meet up. I hugged people, I cried, they cried, we gave promises to see each other one day.

Saying goodbye has never hurt that much, leaving a place was never that hard. We went through the x-rays, went to our gate, and waited for our plane. Just 5 of us, 5 Turks. I was so sad and I was not even able to go shopping at the Tax-free! :D

We got on the plane, talked in Turkish to the cabin crew. The cabin crew and pilot were Turkish since we flew with Turkish Airlines. We ate Turkish food on the plane, everything I tasted, tasted like “home”. I started to get really excited to see my home again.

Norway was like a dream. When we got out of the plane, the dream has ended. Turkey felt like a nightmare and we all were culture shocked. I was crying and yelling in Norwegian. The Turkish people stared at us like we were aliens. I have never been so disturbed and uncomfortable by my own people. I have spent 6 more hours at the airport with my Turkish exchange students friends and we actually were demolished. I know that I sat at the Starbucks and watched the people around me for hours, like “What the f*** are they doing? Why are they doing this? Is it Turkish culture? Why are they talking like that?” and so on. We felt like the people around us were listening to us and trying to hear what we say, so we decided to talk in Norwegian. It was also hard to turn back talking in Turkish and I answered people around me in Norwegian a couple of times. For example, I said “Unnskyld (sorry)” to a woman that I accidentally crashed at the lady’s room and I said “Takk (thanks)” to the barista at Starbucks. My brain was like washed and I was just able to talk in Norwegian, not Turkish and I feel like I have no energy to do anything.

I think it was not the best decision to take another plane lonely to my home city, Samsun. Because the Atatürk Airport is maybe one of the most busy airports in the world and in Turkey, and there were so many kinds of people at the airport. I mean, Turkey is not a small country and the Turkish culture is huge. The people are all different from west to east and from south to north. Ataturk Airport has flights to all over Turkey, as it has flights to all over the world. So, it is okay to be culture shocked at the Ataturk airport.

I safely made home. I was at the airport in my city around 00.00. I was acceptably so tired. I was awake for 42 hours and was not able to shower for 2 days. I felt disgusting, dirty and tired. Some of my family was at the airport to pick me up: My dad, mom, brother, twin cousins, aunt and grandma. I had the best feeling ever, when my 9-year-old twin cousins broke the security and ran to me while I was waiting for my luggage. Unfortunately, my luggage did not come to Samsun with me! I was so nervous, yelling at the airport employee, trying to call Ataturk airport, running from one gate to an other one, crying and so on. I thought there was a problem at the Ataturk airport. Because I gave my luggage at Oslo Airport and it was supposed to come to Samsun.  We connected the flights and the other Turks got their bags in their home cities. I thought it was somewhere at the Ataturk airport and I was so mad at Turkey in that moment. I felt like everything goes wrong in this stupid country, they are not even able to bring my suitcase and they always make mistakes. I blamed Turkish airlines and airports. Later we learnt that my suitcase has actually never came to Turkey with me, and it stayed in Oslo! So it was not Turks’ fault, it was Norway’s fault. 1 week after I came to Turkey, I got my suitcase back with Freia chocolate and macarell i tomatsaus in it. Even my brown cheese survived!

So, this was my journey back home. Full of anxiety and stuff…

It has been almost a month since I left Norway. I left my second home behind me, but I brought everything and everyone that I love in my heart. I left my best friends in Norway, to see my best friends again. I left my family to see my family. I left Norwegian culture, to live Turkish culture again. I stopped talking in Norwegian, to talk in Turkish. My whole life changed one more time, and there is no way back.

Now, I am back in Turkey. Everyone asks me which one is harder: To leave Turkey or to leave Norway. Actually everyone knows the answer. When I left Turkey, I knew that I will be back one day. I knew that I will come back to my same life. But when I left Norway, I did not know when I will be back again. I am not even sure that I will be back one day.

Now, I am back in Turkey. Some of my friends are in Norway. Some of them are in Americas, across the ocean. Some of them are in Asia, in Oceania, in Europe. I don’t even live close to Turkish exchange students and I am not even at the same time zone with my friends.

Now, I am back in Turkey. I am somewhere where I have to be more Turkish and less Norwegian. I have brought some Norwegian habits with me, and I do not have some of my Turkish habits anymore. I am back in Turkey as a half Norwegian and half Turkish. I am criticizing the Turks and Turkish culture and Turkey unwillingly. I am quite sure that they also criticize my Norwegian habits though.

Now, I am back in Turkey. I am somewhere that I am supposed to call “home”. I don’t know where my home is anymore.

This is my last post on this blog. I loved being a blogger and I am totally sure I will continue to write, just not on this website. Before I finish this writing, I should say thank you to some people who have changed my life, effected me and helped me to be “me”.

First of all, I say thanks to my wonderful (host) family. This year wouldn’t be the same without you guys parenting me. Thank you for giving a place in your house and your hearts.

Thank you mamma, for being a perfect girl-mamma, even though you have never had a biological daughter before, you did a great job for me. Thank you for your good night hugs and your wonderful deserts. You have huge and warm heart which has place to everyone. Thank you for being with me and helping me to go through this adventure.

Thank you pappa, for being my second dad. You are the most supportive person I have known and I loved every single small talk with you. Thank you for driving me to the bus stop when it rains a lot and it is not able to walk. Thank you for letting me to help you to make the dinner and thank you for being interested in solving my problems.

Thanks to my brothers, it was not always easy to get on well but I enjoyed to be your storsøster and to be the only girl in the house. I could only spend 20 days with you Fredrik, but those days were the first days in Norway and I think they were important days. So thank you for being my first friend in Norway, helping me with school stuff, showing me around, teaching me the transportation and introducing me to your own friends. Thank you, William for being the best chef I have known and teaching your kitchen skills to me. Even we sometimes had disagreements; it was nice and funny to be your sister. By the way, it is 22^nd July and your birthday so I want to celebrate you here! Gratulerer så mye med dagen! Du må kose deg masse i dag i USA. And my youngest brother, thank you Victor, for being my lillebror. I would probably be more homesick without you. It was so nice to have a brother who is so similar to my own brother in Turkey. I love fredag-kos with you and I still try to do your potetgull and brus tradition in Turkey. Potato chips here are not as good as potetgull in Norway, though!

I want to thank to my classmates. My first deskmate Caroline, my FRIK friends Lea and Ingvill, the other lovely girls, Amber, Jenny, Karin, Bettine, Vilde, Amalie, Aleksandra and Johanne, my second deskmate Andreas, and the others! Thanks for being my best friends. I wouldn’t learn Norwegian that fast without you. I learnt a lot from you guys and thank you for making me feel like I am not different than you. Thank you for letting me to get into your “social bubble” and having me in your girl squad.

Thanks to my exchange student friends. Thank you Katie, for living on the same island with me! You were the one who meets me when I need someone to talk and thanks for listening to me every time. Thank you for coming to Tromsö with me and being a sister to me. Thank you Tijana, for being Serbian! You should keep doing this :D Thank you for being at the same school with me, thanks for our cultural similarities and our mutual history. Thank you for taking care of me and thanks for the Rakija at Ufuk’s party;) Thank you Vestfold gang, Katie, Tijana, Chiara, Xavier and Ufuk (I am gonna thank you later, bro, keep calm). Thanks to everyone in Region 2! I love you guys.

Thanks to my AFS contact person, Francisca Moe. You have become my idol, and I really want to see you again. Please kiss your baby boy for me. I know he is so young but I hope he is going to remember me. It will be nice to see how big he will become when I visit you again. Thank you for all your help. I couldn’t ask for a better contact person.

Thanks to our family friends. Engvik Family, Fadum Family and Mees Family. Thank you for our daytrips, hyttatur, coffee&cake nights. Thank you for teaching me how to ski and how to survive in Norwegian winter. Thank you for teaching me Norwegian games. Thank you for being patient while I was learning Norwegian. You guys are awesome and I hope to hold our contact, I can’t wait to see you again.

Thanks to choir and my kormor Kristin! I already miss choir Thursdays and I can’t wait to listen to you again.

Thanks to the friends that I have met at FRIK nights. My Friday nights got meaning with Frik friends and I learnt as much as I enjoyed. Thanks Petter, for being my guy best friend in Norway. It was always so nice to talk to you and discuss issues. I enjoyed sitting next to you on the bus every Tuesday morning and I already miss our coffee meetings. Thanks Helene, for helping me both with the choir and school. You are an amazing girl with a wonderful voice and you should keep singing. You are always happy and making the people around you happy.

Thanks to some other host families. Thanks to the Bell Family (Ufuk’s) for having me at your house really often! Thank you for American breakfast on Sundays and making me feel like another daughter to you. Thanks for inviting me to your thanksgiving dinner. Thanks Einar (Ufuk’s host brother) for being another brother to me. And please, kiss Sheldon Cooper (the dog) for me. You guys rock and I miss you so much. Thank you, other Fredrik (Ufuk’s best friend in Norway) for your friendship. You are a nice guy and I am really sad that I was not able to see you in Hatay when you visited Ufuk. Thanks to Aasmundtveit Family (Chiara’s), especially to Chiara’s twin sisters Maria and Hanna. We became good friends lately and I feel regretful that we did not see each other more often. But I am so thankful to know you girls!

Thanks to the Turks. Thank you Alya, for being just one phone call away from me. Thank you Doğa and Alkım, for being with me at my Oslo trips. Thanks for that Turkish night, that we have made Mantı and had sleepover. Thanks to Ufuk, for being my elder brother, taking care of me at every single day and night that we were together, being one of my best friends for the rest of my life. Thank you for talking to me in Turkish when I need. Thanks for sleepovers that I had at your host house. It’s heartbreaking that you live so far away from me right now. We used to be able to see each other so often, just with a 20-minute train trip which costs 62 NOK. I hope to see you soon.

And finally, thanks to AFS volunteers. I am not sure if she is going to read this post, but I should say that Synne Sørensen is the best AFS volunteer ever. Dear Synne, if you read this post, please let me know. Thank you for being with us at every AFS camp and making me laugh. Thanks to AFS Turkey and Norway for giving me this chance. Thanks for the camps, meetings, activities, and all the e-mails that we got during the year. AFS has changed my life forever.

Thanks, Norway. You are beautiful. See you later.

This is my last post on this blog. I will continue to write on another blog and I will let you guys know when I create a new one. I will always check this blog in case that I get some new readers who wants to ask me about Norway and exchanging. Thanks to everyone who have read my blog and commented. That means a lot to me.

It is not a goodbye, just a “see you later!”